Developing Confidence and Resilience in your children

See what kids think about confidence

In today’s world with all the pressures put on families and our children at school with social media,working parents,  friendships, pressures to get on to achieve and so on… the emotional well being of our children can be over looked. Children can develop perceptions  that we as adults can be blithely unaware. Take the time to get off the treadmill  and make sure that you engage with your children, show an interest in the things they are interested in and talk and involve your self in their world. Make it a priority and show you care.

See what eminent professors think about resilience in our children.

Resilience is the ability to recover quickly from difficulties to bounce back and not to feel overwhelmed or “put down” because something has not worked out in our favour. Many of our children struggle with confidence and resilience and need support from those around them to develop these skills.

Confidence is the feeling of self worth, having faith in ones self and others, the belief that you can do well or succeed in something.

How can we improve resilience and confidence in our children?

Developing resilience is an ongoing process for a child, from the toddler falling over and getting up again… to learning to be a good loser in a board game or in a soccer game. Child development is like a big spiral that starts in little steps and  becomes more sophisticated the older they become. Teaching your child that there is no shame when something does not go their way is a life skill that will serve them well.

How can you do this?

Lets look at resilience and confidence together.

It is normal to have varying levels of confidence and resilience in different situations. There are also times when your confidence and resilience will waver and suffer as you go through life. This is especially true if you live life to the fullest, and put yourself out there. In fact, if you take chances and try new things, then you can expect that things will not always go your way. The only way to avoid failure is to stay in your house, and not try anything new, but what kind of life is that? Do you want to model that behaviour to your children??

Situations such as job layoffs, a relationship breakup, or a failing grade on a paper in school can drastically make you question your abilities, and negatively impact your confidence. How we cope with these sort of situations as a adults filters through to other members of the family and can effect your children with out you realising.

Fortunately, you do not have to let the negative things in life hold you back. In what follows, are ideas to bounce back when your confidence takes a hit.

1. Acknowledge your feelings –

This may sound rather simplistic, but it is true. You need time to process your feelings and what has happened, but you do not want to dwell on them for a long time. Otherwise, you will end up wallowing in self-pity. Ways to process your feelings can include time spent talking and visiting with trusted friends and family, or writing down your thoughts and feelings in a notebook. Make sure you tell your children that mummy or daddy are just working out their feelings at the moment and if you see us upset it is nothing you have done.

2. Get back into the ring quickly –

After you acknowledge your feelings, the key is that you not get caught up in those feelings for an extended period of time or they will wear you down, and keep you from growing in confidence.

Many people often think you either have confidence or you don’t, but the truth is that you can always continue to grow in your confidence in various areas of your life.

So if you have encountered a big setback, it is vital that you step into the ring again. It is the only way that you can improve your confidence, because the only way to win at life is to fail sometimes too. Wayne Gretzky, NHL hockey superstar, has a saying, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” This is a great reminder that the only way to get better at something is to go out and do it. Realise that failing is part of winning, and that the two go hand in hand. Make sure at the right time your children know this too.

3. Break big tasks down into smaller ones –

When you have experienced a setback, everything can seem so overwhelming. Remember the saying, “How do you eat an elephant?” The answer is, “One bite at a time.” Therefore, the aim to improving your child’s confidence and resilience is to work on it daily by mastering smaller skills that then lead to bigger gains.

It can be too easy to become disengaged…I hope my blog today might strike a chord and support you to remember that your family and raising your children is the most important job you have. So think about something that your child does well, and go out and do it. Before you know it, small successes lead to bigger successes, and confidence and resilience also improves.

best wishes,



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